Five Months From Now
I've been wanting to get this particular subject "on paper" for awhile now, and now is as good a time as ever. The trouble is, I'm not sure exactly how to put into words what I'm feeling. So, bear with me...
I want another baby. OK! Well, that was easier than I thought, I'll be going....
Anyway, when I was pregnant with each of my girls, it was the most wonderful time of my life. I absolutely loved it. I mean everything. Every moment, sick and all. Every passing week and milestone. Every movement and hiccup. But the part I loved the most, above all else, was labor and delivery. Not just delivery, but the actual labor part as well. The actual act of giving birth changed who I was. It was painful and agonizing and horrible at times, but it was also uplifting, empowering and even spiritual.
So, now we've come to the time to start thinking about having another child. I can't believe the time has come. My 20 month old seems like such a baby to me. The part I'm really having trouble with is that this will be our last child.
My last pregnancy.
That's very hard for me to get my mind around.
I've looked forward to being pregnant again, literally, since I gave birth to my 20 month old. Sounds strange, but it's true. I felt the same way when my first daughter was born.
We'll start trying around September. I'm very excited, but feeling a bit melancholy as well. I'm going to try very hard not to put "this is the last time for..." before every milestone. Truth? That won't happen. Every stage, however mundane, will be the last. I think I need to honor that, so that I can get on with my life after giving birth.
It's very hard to put into words how strongly I feel about my child bearing years. I'm afraid I haven't really done it justice. I know that when this part of my life is over, there is a new chapter that will begin, and I'm sure it will be just as fulfilling - the years of bringing up my wonderful kids, watching them grow into separate little individuals and then finally adults.
And me, learning to let go at each stage along the way.
posted by Meredith @ 10:31 AM
4 Comments:
Awww! Good luck, Meredith. I know exactly how it feels to want something so badly that you think about it for years in advance. That's how I was with Elle. By the time Natalie was 2, I was really ready to get the show on the road. I can't believe it took us so long to actually start trying and then long to get pregnant. I wasn't pining away the entire time (up until about 5 months before we started trying - funnily enough) and then it was all I could think about. So I totally get how you feel and wish you ALL THE BEST as you approach this exciting time!
Hugs,
Nino
Meredith,
Your post about dust cracked me up! Thanks for stopping by my blog!
I read this entry and have had the same feelings. We have talked about a 3rd baby after finding out we are having another boy. We talk about it more frequently and I haven't even delivered this baby yet. I think its good to plan. I hope that all your hopes and dreams come true! Just know that other women have felt the same exact way!
Love,
A
Hey! I found your blog! Thought I'd post since you post on mine. Obviously, this is something I can totally relate to. We can countdown the days until the fall!
D
Whew! So I'm not the only one who loved labor & delivery? I was sure I was weird for loving it. :)
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