I need a job.

Not for money, (although, I'd love to have my "own" money again.) for my sanity. I'm gonna make a little confession here. A confession that I have been fighting to keep inside my head for a very long time.

Sometimes I cannot stand being a stay at home mom.

There. I said it. Or wrote it, as it were.

Allow me to define "cannot stand": as in stay-up-until-1:30-in-the-morning-just-to-stretch-out-the-evening-a little-bit-longer-because-I'm-trying-to-keep-another-day-from-starting kind of loathing.

I love my girls. They are so precious to me. We do have plenty of fun together, especially in the summer months.

But if I don't get some time away from them I think I'm going to freak out.

I know it sounds like I'm complaining about staying home. That's part of the reason why I hesitate to admit that it's not all fun and games. Part of me believes that I'm lucky to be able to stay home, so I should just put up and shut up. There's that inner little voice that tells me to slap on a silly smile because there are plenty of women who would love to have your "problems". (And plenty who don't, I know.)

Whenever I see old friends from my previous job, they always ask me how I like staying home. I always say I love it. Many times this is a true statement, but many times it's a lie. It's like being asked "how are you?" and just saying "fine".

I fantasize about having a part time job. Actually FANTASIZE, people. Unfortunately, my husband has a job that takes him away not only 6 days/week, but 6 months out of the year as well. So, I'm thinking why in the hell would anyone hire someone with such a limited working schedule?

I need to do something. Fast. Either find a job or put in an order for a straight jacket.